Sunday, April 29, 2012

No, My Clothes are NOT Shrinking by Andi

If you recall from my first post, I lost weight last year and slowly gained it ALL back while lying to myself that my clothes are tight because they were just washed or they shrunk in the wash.  Today I can tell you that my clothes are feeling tighter than three weeks ago because I have gained weight.  Three pounds to be exact.  My food journaling on "My Fitness Pal" has dwindled.  I rarely use it anymore.  I've indulged in a lot of candy and Girl Scout ccookies and I went from working-out five times a week to 3-4.  In fact, I started reading a book on the stationary bike en lieu of jogging or working up a good sweat on the elliptical.  I also have not lifted weights in over a week due to injuries on both hands.  I have replaced weights with planks, which I like a lot BUT I am concerned about my arms/shoulders with no weight lifting.  Obviously, I need to recommit myself.  I cannot keep gaining.  So at this point, I am down 13 pounds with 15 left to go. 

This morning I read a post from a blog I really enjoy called Intentional Living.  The author, Angie, wrote about a terrible thought that has been creeping into her head regarding her weight loss struggle.  This thought also plagues me.  What if this is the weight I am just meant to be?  What if we all have a natural weight and we are fighting against nature trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?  Wouldn't I just be happier NOT to think about food and exercise all the time and just accept myself for a 155 pound person?  So what if the doctors and the Wii say I need to lose weight.  I can be happy like this.  Right?  I think this a lot.  It's the seed that results in other thoughts like "Screw it.  I'm eating this cookie." or "I worked out, I can have seconds."  and "I need new clothes because these are tight."  I have also read a lot of articles about women who find happiness after they learn how to love themselves for who they are and accept their weight for what it is.  Let's get one thing straight.  I do love myself.  I love myself so much, I want to feel great inside and out. I love myself so much I want to live long.  I love myself so much, I don't want to poison myself with over processed and overly fatty and sugary foods.  Okay, that's a little too forced.  Some of that food is so yummy!

Bottom line: I am not ready to accept defeat and NOT reach for a lower weight.  I know I will feel better if I keep this up.  I just need to get back on track.  Today I will prep some food for the week.  I did not do that last week due to the hand injuries.  I ate worse for sure.  I will also take a walk when Tug gets home from work just to get a little exercise.  I will get all the laundry done so I have workout clothes ready available to me thus no excuses not to work out this week.  And I will probably finish my awesome book so I am not tempted to sit on the stationary bike instead of a sweaty big time workout.  It's a plan!  And since Tug tossed the Easter candy and I finished off the Girl Scout cookies, I am without these empty, good for nothin' temptations. 

As for plans for other types of fitness...I am very pleased to report that we have started back to church.  I enjoy that place.  The congregation is small and welcoming.  Father Todd is insightful.  The feeling of worshiping God while sitting next to my husband is second to none.  We will be able to make church an on-going habit now because Tug's weekends working are limited.  Tug got a new job!  He will not have to work weekends anymore!  He will also get to eat dinner with us again!  This is good news for the family, for Tug's heart and for my sanity!  Just two more weeks of the old job and then I'll have my BFF around more.  The future looks bright! 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Off Track with Lots of Excuses by Andi

So much for weekly blog posts! I'm half surprised and half disappointed that non of you all called for a welfare check and me and Tug.

It's been a hard few weeks for me and my healthy habits. I have struggled to stay the course. Truthfully, I got off course a few times and pretty much drifted toward gluttony island for about two weeks. This morning, I grabbed that wheel and got back on track. It all started on the first day of Spring Break for my kids. I was at home for four days in a row and temptation was everywhere. Well, it was mostly gold fish crackers and finishing off their plates as to not let the food go to waste. I actually started NOT making my own food and banking on the fact I would have their left overs. Good plan, right? Not. Some meals I had no left overs. So I pigged out on whatever I could find in the pantry.

I figured that I would get back on track when I went back to work. That's when I could take a hour at the gym in the morning and limit my food intake to what I packed in my food bag. The day before I went back to work, crisis struck at work. Big crisis. I spent the next three days at our Emergency Operations Center. No lunch breaks but plenty of grab and go food. Plenty of unhealthy food. Plenty of yummy food! And I gave myself a pass to eat it. I thought to myself "I'm working a crisis! All bets are off. I'm eating what I want because I deserve it." Yes, I did used that word. Deserve. Honestly, I also deserve a healthy body but for me, food is too often about reward. And during these days, I did not have time for some other kind of reward. I actually hit the gym still, which, of course, gave me more permission to eat like a pig.

Okay, so once the crisis was essentially over for me and my staff, I was ready to get back to routine and eating well. So we are talking about 10 days off course. My mother in law comes to visit. Work is still busy but now I have my daughter sleeping in my room and I worry about waking up at 4 am to go to the gym. I'm "sure" I will wake her. I don't want to wake her and make my husband have to deal with a 4 year old at 4 in the morning while I skip off to the gym. So I "take one for the team" and I sleep in until 5:30 and I miss the gym for six days. And it's Easter time. And I bought way too much candy and I bought candy I like. Do you see where I am headed here? Yes, Fatville.

To make matters more ridiculous, it's the end of the work weight loss challenge. My potential, down the drain. Today, I stopped the madness. I went to the gym and I tracked my food. I also weighed in for the last time at the weight loss challenge. Wait, let's back up. Last night. I pondered what I did to myself over the past two weeks. I weighed myself and I was up three pounds. Crushing. I did NOT want to pay $5. I also did not want anyone to know that I goofed it. What to do? Here's what I did. I laughed as I did these things and I laugh now. I cut my toe nails. I cut my finger nails. I shaved my legs and underarms. I exfoliated my face. I drank a LOT of water. I found the lightest skirt and top for work I have in my closet. This morning, I worked out. I made sure to dry my hair very well after my shower. I was light on the make-up and opted not to wear any jewelry. I considered going commando. Not a good idea for the work place. So I made a good choice to toss that idea. I went to the bathroom three times just to make sure there was no more potty left. (TMI? I don't make you read this, do I?) I made the walk of shame to the weigh-in and in this twenty second walk, I cursed myself for not scheduling a hair cut prior to the final weigh-in. Prior to getting on the scale, I took off my sweater and glasses. Then, I stepped on the scale very lightly. And, of course I held my breath. I was down 1.8 from the last weigh-in. Obviously my home scale is off. I am sure the work "weigh-in" scale is right. I mean, who doesn't eat like a piggy for two weeks, skip work-outs for 10 days and not lose 1.8 pounds? I don't know what to tell you. I actually weight myself twice. I was so confused. Then I grabbed my sweater and got out of there quick-like. And then I started breathing again. I lost a total of 8.6 pounds in our 8 week weight loss challenge.

I am down a total of 16.4 pounds from January 1st. Just 1.6 more until I reach my first goal. Then I'll go for another five and re-evaluate. I'll be working out again tomorrow and packing good food. I need to do something with this Easter candy. The Old Andi would say something like "I'll just finish it off now and then it won't be around to tempt me." It's an option. I could toss it all. Or I can ration it. Or take it to work and make the weight loss champions salivate.

Well, keep reading I expect the next time I write, I will have made my first goal! And just in time for the warmer weather!