Sunday, April 29, 2012

No, My Clothes are NOT Shrinking by Andi

If you recall from my first post, I lost weight last year and slowly gained it ALL back while lying to myself that my clothes are tight because they were just washed or they shrunk in the wash.  Today I can tell you that my clothes are feeling tighter than three weeks ago because I have gained weight.  Three pounds to be exact.  My food journaling on "My Fitness Pal" has dwindled.  I rarely use it anymore.  I've indulged in a lot of candy and Girl Scout ccookies and I went from working-out five times a week to 3-4.  In fact, I started reading a book on the stationary bike en lieu of jogging or working up a good sweat on the elliptical.  I also have not lifted weights in over a week due to injuries on both hands.  I have replaced weights with planks, which I like a lot BUT I am concerned about my arms/shoulders with no weight lifting.  Obviously, I need to recommit myself.  I cannot keep gaining.  So at this point, I am down 13 pounds with 15 left to go. 

This morning I read a post from a blog I really enjoy called Intentional Living.  The author, Angie, wrote about a terrible thought that has been creeping into her head regarding her weight loss struggle.  This thought also plagues me.  What if this is the weight I am just meant to be?  What if we all have a natural weight and we are fighting against nature trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?  Wouldn't I just be happier NOT to think about food and exercise all the time and just accept myself for a 155 pound person?  So what if the doctors and the Wii say I need to lose weight.  I can be happy like this.  Right?  I think this a lot.  It's the seed that results in other thoughts like "Screw it.  I'm eating this cookie." or "I worked out, I can have seconds."  and "I need new clothes because these are tight."  I have also read a lot of articles about women who find happiness after they learn how to love themselves for who they are and accept their weight for what it is.  Let's get one thing straight.  I do love myself.  I love myself so much, I want to feel great inside and out. I love myself so much I want to live long.  I love myself so much, I don't want to poison myself with over processed and overly fatty and sugary foods.  Okay, that's a little too forced.  Some of that food is so yummy!

Bottom line: I am not ready to accept defeat and NOT reach for a lower weight.  I know I will feel better if I keep this up.  I just need to get back on track.  Today I will prep some food for the week.  I did not do that last week due to the hand injuries.  I ate worse for sure.  I will also take a walk when Tug gets home from work just to get a little exercise.  I will get all the laundry done so I have workout clothes ready available to me thus no excuses not to work out this week.  And I will probably finish my awesome book so I am not tempted to sit on the stationary bike instead of a sweaty big time workout.  It's a plan!  And since Tug tossed the Easter candy and I finished off the Girl Scout cookies, I am without these empty, good for nothin' temptations. 

As for plans for other types of fitness...I am very pleased to report that we have started back to church.  I enjoy that place.  The congregation is small and welcoming.  Father Todd is insightful.  The feeling of worshiping God while sitting next to my husband is second to none.  We will be able to make church an on-going habit now because Tug's weekends working are limited.  Tug got a new job!  He will not have to work weekends anymore!  He will also get to eat dinner with us again!  This is good news for the family, for Tug's heart and for my sanity!  Just two more weeks of the old job and then I'll have my BFF around more.  The future looks bright! 

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