So much for weekly blog posts! I'm half surprised and half disappointed that non of you all called for a welfare check and me and Tug.
It's been a hard few weeks for me and my healthy habits. I have struggled to stay the course. Truthfully, I got off course a few times and pretty much drifted toward gluttony island for about two weeks. This morning, I grabbed that wheel and got back on track. It all started on the first day of Spring Break for my kids. I was at home for four days in a row and temptation was everywhere. Well, it was mostly gold fish crackers and finishing off their plates as to not let the food go to waste. I actually started NOT making my own food and banking on the fact I would have their left overs. Good plan, right? Not. Some meals I had no left overs. So I pigged out on whatever I could find in the pantry.
I figured that I would get back on track when I went back to work. That's when I could take a hour at the gym in the morning and limit my food intake to what I packed in my food bag. The day before I went back to work, crisis struck at work. Big crisis. I spent the next three days at our Emergency Operations Center. No lunch breaks but plenty of grab and go food. Plenty of unhealthy food. Plenty of yummy food! And I gave myself a pass to eat it. I thought to myself "I'm working a crisis! All bets are off. I'm eating what I want because I deserve it." Yes, I did used that word. Deserve. Honestly, I also deserve a healthy body but for me, food is too often about reward. And during these days, I did not have time for some other kind of reward. I actually hit the gym still, which, of course, gave me more permission to eat like a pig.
Okay, so once the crisis was essentially over for me and my staff, I was ready to get back to routine and eating well. So we are talking about 10 days off course. My mother in law comes to visit. Work is still busy but now I have my daughter sleeping in my room and I worry about waking up at 4 am to go to the gym. I'm "sure" I will wake her. I don't want to wake her and make my husband have to deal with a 4 year old at 4 in the morning while I skip off to the gym. So I "take one for the team" and I sleep in until 5:30 and I miss the gym for six days. And it's Easter time. And I bought way too much candy and I bought candy I like. Do you see where I am headed here? Yes, Fatville.
To make matters more ridiculous, it's the end of the work weight loss challenge. My potential, down the drain. Today, I stopped the madness. I went to the gym and I tracked my food. I also weighed in for the last time at the weight loss challenge. Wait, let's back up. Last night. I pondered what I did to myself over the past two weeks. I weighed myself and I was up three pounds. Crushing. I did NOT want to pay $5. I also did not want anyone to know that I goofed it. What to do? Here's what I did. I laughed as I did these things and I laugh now. I cut my toe nails. I cut my finger nails. I shaved my legs and underarms. I exfoliated my face. I drank a LOT of water. I found the lightest skirt and top for work I have in my closet. This morning, I worked out. I made sure to dry my hair very well after my shower. I was light on the make-up and opted not to wear any jewelry. I considered going commando. Not a good idea for the work place. So I made a good choice to toss that idea. I went to the bathroom three times just to make sure there was no more potty left. (TMI? I don't make you read this, do I?) I made the walk of shame to the weigh-in and in this twenty second walk, I cursed myself for not scheduling a hair cut prior to the final weigh-in. Prior to getting on the scale, I took off my sweater and glasses. Then, I stepped on the scale very lightly. And, of course I held my breath. I was down 1.8 from the last weigh-in. Obviously my home scale is off. I am sure the work "weigh-in" scale is right. I mean, who doesn't eat like a piggy for two weeks, skip work-outs for 10 days and not lose 1.8 pounds? I don't know what to tell you. I actually weight myself twice. I was so confused. Then I grabbed my sweater and got out of there quick-like. And then I started breathing again. I lost a total of 8.6 pounds in our 8 week weight loss challenge.
I am down a total of 16.4 pounds from January 1st. Just 1.6 more until I reach my first goal. Then I'll go for another five and re-evaluate. I'll be working out again tomorrow and packing good food. I need to do something with this Easter candy. The Old Andi would say something like "I'll just finish it off now and then it won't be around to tempt me." It's an option. I could toss it all. Or I can ration it. Or take it to work and make the weight loss champions salivate.
Well, keep reading I expect the next time I write, I will have made my first goal! And just in time for the warmer weather!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Grief and Emotion in a Fitness Quest
Well, it's been quite a while since my last post. A lot has happened since that time that has somewhat derailed my quest to maintain fitness this year. As some or all of you may already know, I lost my dad to a long battle with leukemia last month. He put up a courageous fight, but when the body is ready, the body is ready.
As anyone who has lost a parent can probably attest, the loss of my dad has been quite a blow to me. Emotionally. Physically. All around, quite a mess. He was the most important man in my life by leaps and bounds. He was my rock. While we weren't close in the physical sense, I knew I could always call him up and ask for advice on any subject (especially money, parenting, and cars) and he'd always have a straight answer for me. Not that I sought his advice a lot, but not even having that as an option anymore is a sobering reality. The man whose actions, beliefs, love and understanding molded me as a person is no longer living and breathing on this planet? Say it ain't so!
Well, it is so. Over the last several months, when it became clear that his health was declining at a faster rate than my family would've liked, I starting preparing myself mentally for that phone call that would send me to the airport to fly back home for his final moments. I secretly and embarrassingly hoped that he might pass in his sleep unexpectedly so that I wouldn't need to face the last few days and see him in such pitiful shape. Even when I did receive that dreaded phone call and made the trip home, I thought I'd be okay. I had been preparing for his death for a long time. When he finally passed, I thought I held up pretty well for the days and couple of weeks afterwards. The fact is, it's been very hard. I think about him every day. I miss him every day. I have periods of grief and emotion every day. Never doubting his love for me, but sometimes questioning whether I did enough as a son to show my love for him.
For people who know me, it would probably come as no surprise that my dad was not a very outwardly emotional person. It probably wouldn't surprise you either that he wasn't someone who would participate in a lot of "small talk" and engage in typical "bull-shitting" amongst friends. He was a no-nonsense guy who always gave an honest and straight answer and rarely let emotions cloud any decision he ever made. It is said that between me and my two siblings, I am the most like Dad was. Because of our similarities, I always felt that we had a fairly close bond. The type that didn't need words to bridge gaps. I knew how he felt about me without him having to voice it. I assumed he knew how I felt about him without me having to voice it.
Though I really didn't want to go back home for my Dad's final days, I am infinitely glad that I did. Yes, it was extremely painful to see him in such a degraded state. The big, strong, male father-figure reduced to bedpans, painkillers, and soiled sheets. Not the way he wanted to go out. But those final couple of days were, in a word, magical. He was stripped down to his emotions. Stripped down to the realization his days were limited. Bare-boned, blunt, honest, naked, and raw. While his body was quickly declining, his wits were about him until the final few hours. The two nights at his bedside in the hospital before he passed, he was making jokes, offering unsolicited yet sage life advice to me and my siblings (as was often the case with him), planning for our future and making sure we were going to be okay. The day before he passed, all of his sisters (there were 5), my siblings, my mom and I all took turns getting into the hospital bed with him and having what he termed "flesh time". Warm body on warm body. Hugging, sharing stories, burying hatchets, and saying what largely probably didn't need to be said. It was an awesomely painful and beautiful thing to behold. As difficult as it was, I know that there are a lot of people that don't get to have those "closing" moments with a family member. I am so thankful that I had those last precious moments in those last couple of days.
So upon returning to Colorado after the memorial service, I basically jumped right back into work. I had been gone for 10 days and couldn't really take more time. While they would have been okay with it, I couldn't let my co-workers continue to pick up my slack. Since then, I've had a very difficult time getting back into the workout groove. I didn't work out at all while back in VA. Coming back here, I didn't pick up a weight or hop on the bike for about two weeks. So that made it about 3 weeks without exercising. I often found myself completely drained after work. I'd spend 10-12 hours at work, then hop in the car for the drive home and find my thoughts drifting to Dad. I'd end up crying on the drive home. Then get home, have dinner, spend some time with the kids and Andi and then go to bed where my thoughts would again drift to Dad. He would say I was wallowing in self-pity. I'm not sure it was self-pity, but it was definitely wallowing. I think that in some sense, I didn't, and still don't, feel like I should be happy. I lost my hero. I'll never be able to give my dad a bear hug again. I should be sad, right? He would also say to "get over it, Son. Life goes on and so should you." It was in that spirit that I finally mustered the energy to get out of bed early one morning to begin the workouts again.
To say that I've been faithful to my exercise regime would be a hysterical lie. I've been anything but. I'm lucky to get two workouts done in a week. I keep finding myself wallowing. I am lacking the emotional strength to give this pursuit the attention it deserves. It's pitiful. It's embarrassing. I need to do better. Dad would want me to do better. The positive things I need to keep reminding myself of are that I actually feel very good after a workout. Endorphin releases from exercise are an amazing way to make yourself feel better. Also, the weather here has finally started to look like spring. That means I can get back on the bike and actually ride outside. I'm so looking forward to the first warm-day ride of the season. The last and probably most important thing is that I know Dad would not want me to lose my momentum completely because of his death or anyone else's. He would want me to continue to do the things I was doing before that were making me happy. Because hey,
Life goes on and so should I.
As anyone who has lost a parent can probably attest, the loss of my dad has been quite a blow to me. Emotionally. Physically. All around, quite a mess. He was the most important man in my life by leaps and bounds. He was my rock. While we weren't close in the physical sense, I knew I could always call him up and ask for advice on any subject (especially money, parenting, and cars) and he'd always have a straight answer for me. Not that I sought his advice a lot, but not even having that as an option anymore is a sobering reality. The man whose actions, beliefs, love and understanding molded me as a person is no longer living and breathing on this planet? Say it ain't so!
Well, it is so. Over the last several months, when it became clear that his health was declining at a faster rate than my family would've liked, I starting preparing myself mentally for that phone call that would send me to the airport to fly back home for his final moments. I secretly and embarrassingly hoped that he might pass in his sleep unexpectedly so that I wouldn't need to face the last few days and see him in such pitiful shape. Even when I did receive that dreaded phone call and made the trip home, I thought I'd be okay. I had been preparing for his death for a long time. When he finally passed, I thought I held up pretty well for the days and couple of weeks afterwards. The fact is, it's been very hard. I think about him every day. I miss him every day. I have periods of grief and emotion every day. Never doubting his love for me, but sometimes questioning whether I did enough as a son to show my love for him.
For people who know me, it would probably come as no surprise that my dad was not a very outwardly emotional person. It probably wouldn't surprise you either that he wasn't someone who would participate in a lot of "small talk" and engage in typical "bull-shitting" amongst friends. He was a no-nonsense guy who always gave an honest and straight answer and rarely let emotions cloud any decision he ever made. It is said that between me and my two siblings, I am the most like Dad was. Because of our similarities, I always felt that we had a fairly close bond. The type that didn't need words to bridge gaps. I knew how he felt about me without him having to voice it. I assumed he knew how I felt about him without me having to voice it.
Though I really didn't want to go back home for my Dad's final days, I am infinitely glad that I did. Yes, it was extremely painful to see him in such a degraded state. The big, strong, male father-figure reduced to bedpans, painkillers, and soiled sheets. Not the way he wanted to go out. But those final couple of days were, in a word, magical. He was stripped down to his emotions. Stripped down to the realization his days were limited. Bare-boned, blunt, honest, naked, and raw. While his body was quickly declining, his wits were about him until the final few hours. The two nights at his bedside in the hospital before he passed, he was making jokes, offering unsolicited yet sage life advice to me and my siblings (as was often the case with him), planning for our future and making sure we were going to be okay. The day before he passed, all of his sisters (there were 5), my siblings, my mom and I all took turns getting into the hospital bed with him and having what he termed "flesh time". Warm body on warm body. Hugging, sharing stories, burying hatchets, and saying what largely probably didn't need to be said. It was an awesomely painful and beautiful thing to behold. As difficult as it was, I know that there are a lot of people that don't get to have those "closing" moments with a family member. I am so thankful that I had those last precious moments in those last couple of days.
So upon returning to Colorado after the memorial service, I basically jumped right back into work. I had been gone for 10 days and couldn't really take more time. While they would have been okay with it, I couldn't let my co-workers continue to pick up my slack. Since then, I've had a very difficult time getting back into the workout groove. I didn't work out at all while back in VA. Coming back here, I didn't pick up a weight or hop on the bike for about two weeks. So that made it about 3 weeks without exercising. I often found myself completely drained after work. I'd spend 10-12 hours at work, then hop in the car for the drive home and find my thoughts drifting to Dad. I'd end up crying on the drive home. Then get home, have dinner, spend some time with the kids and Andi and then go to bed where my thoughts would again drift to Dad. He would say I was wallowing in self-pity. I'm not sure it was self-pity, but it was definitely wallowing. I think that in some sense, I didn't, and still don't, feel like I should be happy. I lost my hero. I'll never be able to give my dad a bear hug again. I should be sad, right? He would also say to "get over it, Son. Life goes on and so should you." It was in that spirit that I finally mustered the energy to get out of bed early one morning to begin the workouts again.
To say that I've been faithful to my exercise regime would be a hysterical lie. I've been anything but. I'm lucky to get two workouts done in a week. I keep finding myself wallowing. I am lacking the emotional strength to give this pursuit the attention it deserves. It's pitiful. It's embarrassing. I need to do better. Dad would want me to do better. The positive things I need to keep reminding myself of are that I actually feel very good after a workout. Endorphin releases from exercise are an amazing way to make yourself feel better. Also, the weather here has finally started to look like spring. That means I can get back on the bike and actually ride outside. I'm so looking forward to the first warm-day ride of the season. The last and probably most important thing is that I know Dad would not want me to lose my momentum completely because of his death or anyone else's. He would want me to continue to do the things I was doing before that were making me happy. Because hey,
Life goes on and so should I.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Mind Games: Losing While Pigging Out! (By Andi)
This past weekend was a major challenge between eating healthy and letting loose. I let loose. It was my son's birthday. He had a large sleep over party where we faked camping. I had over to my house eight boys, all eight years old. We had a tent in the living room and make smores in the fireplace. Knowing this was going to be challenging, I decided to make the food part of the party as easy as possible. I made cupcakes and bought lots of chips and trail mix. In all me pre planning cleaning (we'll get back to that in a moment), I forgot to prep me some good food. So not only did I have lots of chips and trail mix, I drank margaritas. I would have gone with wine but we had none. I had instead zero calorie margarita mix. This does not make the tequila calorie free mind you. I estimate I had close to 500 calories of my 1200 calorie limit in margaritas. The remaining 2200 calories was had with the rest of the junk food. So at this point I planned on bringing $5 to the work weigh in figuring I blew it. But I was resolved to enjoying the gluttony of Cool Ranch Doritos. That was Saturday. Sunday started with another cupcake, finished off the Cool Ranch and had no work out all weekend. I was back to my routine Monday and weighed in today (Wednesday). Down 1.2 pounds. Yes, I am thrilled. But I am worried. I'm having little mind games with myself. So, I can eat nearly a bag of Doritos and have 3 cupcakes and four margaritas and lose weight? Sweet! No. Not sweet. It would never continue to work this way. It's a darn fluke and I cannot get into that habit. But it was nice to let loose for a weekend.
Back to this "pre cleaning" for the party idea. Prior to having eight boys over for a sleep over, I cleaned house. I mopped the floor, cleaned the toilet, picked up all around the house, dusted, made my husband do things like vacuum and I hired a high school student to pick up the patio and rake the dead grass and dog poop in the yard. Okay, I am glad the poop was taken care of, but needless to say, Sunday when the parents came to pick up the boys, no one would guess that I cleaned house. Why do I do dumb things like that? Heck, why do I allow eight boys to have a sleep over in my home? Next year, I think my son can invite two friends to the movies.
I have three more weeks to go on the work fitness challenge. I think I am around 6th out of 15. I'm not sure I can pull off a 3rd place win but at this point, I don't want to have to add $5 each week I am over. I am anxious for the challenge to be over. Not that I plan to eat a lot and stop working out. Rather, I need to bring it in a little or else I will loose all interest in making this a forever change. I'm also sick of worrying about the scale each week. The pre weigh-in thoughts are so annoying! (I need to pee first. I need light clothes for Wednesday's weigh-in. Should I get my hair cut before the weigh-in? How much weight would I take off if I shaved my legs the morning of the weigh-in? Should I workout that morning? I need to forgo water during the workout the morning of my weigh-in. What should I have for dinner the night before? Should I go by the bank and get money in case I gained?) As you can see, I'm crazy.
I digress. Let me tell you what I DO like. I like the way clothes fit. I like the way I feel after a workout. I like my workout play lists and "me" time at the gym. I like how my knees are less sore climbing stairs. I like feeling in control of my intake. I like talking to my friends about workouts and new foods. I like the splurge of a drink or real desert now and then. I like feeling just a little engulfed in my husbands arms. I like that I have kept this going for nearly 4 months. I like that I am not even close to giving up. I like that I won't give up!
Back to this "pre cleaning" for the party idea. Prior to having eight boys over for a sleep over, I cleaned house. I mopped the floor, cleaned the toilet, picked up all around the house, dusted, made my husband do things like vacuum and I hired a high school student to pick up the patio and rake the dead grass and dog poop in the yard. Okay, I am glad the poop was taken care of, but needless to say, Sunday when the parents came to pick up the boys, no one would guess that I cleaned house. Why do I do dumb things like that? Heck, why do I allow eight boys to have a sleep over in my home? Next year, I think my son can invite two friends to the movies.
I have three more weeks to go on the work fitness challenge. I think I am around 6th out of 15. I'm not sure I can pull off a 3rd place win but at this point, I don't want to have to add $5 each week I am over. I am anxious for the challenge to be over. Not that I plan to eat a lot and stop working out. Rather, I need to bring it in a little or else I will loose all interest in making this a forever change. I'm also sick of worrying about the scale each week. The pre weigh-in thoughts are so annoying! (I need to pee first. I need light clothes for Wednesday's weigh-in. Should I get my hair cut before the weigh-in? How much weight would I take off if I shaved my legs the morning of the weigh-in? Should I workout that morning? I need to forgo water during the workout the morning of my weigh-in. What should I have for dinner the night before? Should I go by the bank and get money in case I gained?) As you can see, I'm crazy.
I digress. Let me tell you what I DO like. I like the way clothes fit. I like the way I feel after a workout. I like my workout play lists and "me" time at the gym. I like how my knees are less sore climbing stairs. I like feeling in control of my intake. I like talking to my friends about workouts and new foods. I like the splurge of a drink or real desert now and then. I like feeling just a little engulfed in my husbands arms. I like that I have kept this going for nearly 4 months. I like that I am not even close to giving up. I like that I won't give up!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Truckin' On! 10 Weeks and 14 Pounds Later by Andi
It's been about 10 weeks since I made the commitment to myself to turn my health around! I have lost 14 pounds and a size or two in my clothes. I feel really great. I decided to go ahead and join the work "biggest loser" challenge about 4 weeks ago. I'm right in the middle of the pack with my total weight loss but that's no big deal. I know I lost most of the weigh so far in January. It's harder now to lose. I'm not putting up the big numbers like before. But that's okay. We have been a big support to each other. Almost every day you can find me and my work diet friends around the work conference table comparing lunches and talking about challenges we are having. Oh and also glaring at the sweets one of the contestants keeps bringing to work and leaving out for all of us to partake in.
I'm still right in the thick of feeling good and confident about the direction of my health. So good in fact, I am considering joining a challenge called "Dirty Girl!" This is a mud race/obstacle coarse for women to raise money for breast cancer research. It's in September. That will be so fun! There are around 8 of us at work looking to do this.
Something that has helped me kick up my work-outs...Tug gave me his old i-pod! It's my first i-pod ever. I learned how to search for and purchase play lists. Shape magazine has cool work-out play lists. I really like 80's music and one list combined some great 80's songs to a techno/work-out beat and I love it! It makes my work-outs nearly fun. I kinda get lost in the beat and time flies by so fast. Having the beat also helps me keep my pace up. No more angry gym guy music!
Finding healthy, easy to fix food has still be a little challenging. The bottom line is it requires time and effort. The i-phone program My Fitness Pal has been so very valuable tracking my intake. Still loving that! I recently bought the Skinny Girl margarita drink. It's 100 calories per serving but they think a serving is 4 ounces. That is NOT a serving. That's a taste test. So I can count on 200 for a decent sized drink. I am trying to keep my net caloric intake at or under 1200. With my workouts, I usually get up to 1400. That's is very doable. 1200 is hard. So working out is a must for me most days.
I am still getting up at around 4 am to get to the gym before work. I was worried about the recent time change thinking my body will think it's only 3 am. It was actually not too bad. As it turns out, 3 am is not that much different than 4 am. Both suck equally! Lucky me! In addition to increasing the time on my workouts to 45-50 minutes, I have increased my arm weights. I'm not trying to bulk up but I would like to build enough muscle to allow me to increase my calories. Again, I admit I have a slight food addiction.
So that's the 10 week scoop. It's all become part of what I do. It's not easy but it is easier to fit all this into the rest of my life. I am looking forward to celebrating my son's 8th birthday this weekend with him and too many of his friends in an "indoor camping" sleep over. Ballet has started for my daughter, which is a blast to observe and baseball for my son is just a few weeks away! And life goes on!
I'm still right in the thick of feeling good and confident about the direction of my health. So good in fact, I am considering joining a challenge called "Dirty Girl!" This is a mud race/obstacle coarse for women to raise money for breast cancer research. It's in September. That will be so fun! There are around 8 of us at work looking to do this.
Something that has helped me kick up my work-outs...Tug gave me his old i-pod! It's my first i-pod ever. I learned how to search for and purchase play lists. Shape magazine has cool work-out play lists. I really like 80's music and one list combined some great 80's songs to a techno/work-out beat and I love it! It makes my work-outs nearly fun. I kinda get lost in the beat and time flies by so fast. Having the beat also helps me keep my pace up. No more angry gym guy music!
Finding healthy, easy to fix food has still be a little challenging. The bottom line is it requires time and effort. The i-phone program My Fitness Pal has been so very valuable tracking my intake. Still loving that! I recently bought the Skinny Girl margarita drink. It's 100 calories per serving but they think a serving is 4 ounces. That is NOT a serving. That's a taste test. So I can count on 200 for a decent sized drink. I am trying to keep my net caloric intake at or under 1200. With my workouts, I usually get up to 1400. That's is very doable. 1200 is hard. So working out is a must for me most days.
I am still getting up at around 4 am to get to the gym before work. I was worried about the recent time change thinking my body will think it's only 3 am. It was actually not too bad. As it turns out, 3 am is not that much different than 4 am. Both suck equally! Lucky me! In addition to increasing the time on my workouts to 45-50 minutes, I have increased my arm weights. I'm not trying to bulk up but I would like to build enough muscle to allow me to increase my calories. Again, I admit I have a slight food addiction.
So that's the 10 week scoop. It's all become part of what I do. It's not easy but it is easier to fit all this into the rest of my life. I am looking forward to celebrating my son's 8th birthday this weekend with him and too many of his friends in an "indoor camping" sleep over. Ballet has started for my daughter, which is a blast to observe and baseball for my son is just a few weeks away! And life goes on!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
What Really Matters (by Andi)
Tug's dad has battled cancer for about three and a half years now. During that time, I have been in a bit of denial. He's a young enough man. The doctors will figure this out. But with each set-back followed by a come-back, his come-back left him just a bit worse than before. He never really gained any ground. About two weeks ago, Tug's brother called to give us some worrisome news. Dad's not doing well. We have never gotten this kind of call from my brother in law. Tug went out to Virginia to be with family. To be with his dad. And I thank God he went. Tug's dad died on February 17th. Cancer claims another. But OH it was a hard fought fight!
Death. It's so hard for our culture. Maybe it's hard for humanity in general. But for us, it seems a taboo. I work in a world painted with death. We meet and support grieving families all the time. Words are hard to come by as you companion someone through grief. I don't want it to be like that for my kids. I have talked openly about death with them. Perhaps too much. My daughter thinks it will be a happy day when she gets to join her dog in heaven with Jesus and Papa Chippy. Maybe I got a little off track talking to the kids about death.
I read a very neat article about death the other day. Long before I knew we would be grieving for my father in law. It talked about energy, and the famous scientific discovery that told us that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just changes form. I believe this. I don't know what to think about reincarnation but I do believe our energy fills hearts, makes flowers bloom, makes babies smile and makes the world go around. Dust to dust.
Over the past week full of tears, laughter, loving words, loving jesters, and manifestations of the lessons we have learned from Chippy, I have come to remember (because we always KNOW this but sometimes lose track) what really matters. We are all part of something bigger than ourselves. These connections we make with others, the choices we make despite of ourselves, it's about love. I know. How cliche. But it's true. We are not on this world to see who can collect the most toys. We are not on this world to see whose people will be the most powerful. We are not on this world to simply enjoy taking from the earth and pilfering from the loss of others. We are here to teach and to learn. To better our souls and shape the souls of others through love.
And if you have any connection with a younger generation, you had better take it to heart. We have major control over the future of this world by how we teach and learn from these little people. Empathy, integrity and generosity. That about sums it up. We need to put these three ways of life in the forefront. I am afraid we are loosing ground. These should be bedtime lessons on a daily basis for our children. These should be dinner time topics across the table (which we all should be sitting at with our kids NO exceptions). These should be ideas adults talk about and demonstrate. Ah...another part of a fitness quest. Making our hearts fit. Making our lives matter. Things seems a bit less complicated when you have your priorities in place. Interesting how a death can energize those of us still alive. Did I mention energy cannot be destroyed? It just changes form.
I am sorry? Did you think you were going to read this post to see how my weight loss is coming along? Have you ever been in the midst of the death of a family member? In southern Virginia? When we can't find the words, what's the next best thing? Yes. Sugar, butter, pork and beer (or wine). Food plays a big part in grief and death. When I do my job, I often have to remind people to care for themselves and don't forget to eat. I have never had the problem of forgetting to eat. I ate plenty. I think I gained two pounds. I don't give a hoot. Sharing a plate of snicker doodles with those you love does a fine thing for the heart.
However, I am back home. I go back to work Monday. Tug is already back today. As we teach lessons of high moral character, we also must remember to take care of the temple that carries our soul for now. I want to be able to turn cartwheels, play soccer with my kids, and hear them laugh as we fall on the grass this Spring! It's right around the corner! Baseball, camping, green grass. Ah! Get me out of this house and the company of those I love while I bask in the sun! There is a place for creating healthy bodies in "what really matters" so that we can teach and learn longer, and have some fun while doing it.
Death. It's so hard for our culture. Maybe it's hard for humanity in general. But for us, it seems a taboo. I work in a world painted with death. We meet and support grieving families all the time. Words are hard to come by as you companion someone through grief. I don't want it to be like that for my kids. I have talked openly about death with them. Perhaps too much. My daughter thinks it will be a happy day when she gets to join her dog in heaven with Jesus and Papa Chippy. Maybe I got a little off track talking to the kids about death.
I read a very neat article about death the other day. Long before I knew we would be grieving for my father in law. It talked about energy, and the famous scientific discovery that told us that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just changes form. I believe this. I don't know what to think about reincarnation but I do believe our energy fills hearts, makes flowers bloom, makes babies smile and makes the world go around. Dust to dust.
Over the past week full of tears, laughter, loving words, loving jesters, and manifestations of the lessons we have learned from Chippy, I have come to remember (because we always KNOW this but sometimes lose track) what really matters. We are all part of something bigger than ourselves. These connections we make with others, the choices we make despite of ourselves, it's about love. I know. How cliche. But it's true. We are not on this world to see who can collect the most toys. We are not on this world to see whose people will be the most powerful. We are not on this world to simply enjoy taking from the earth and pilfering from the loss of others. We are here to teach and to learn. To better our souls and shape the souls of others through love.
And if you have any connection with a younger generation, you had better take it to heart. We have major control over the future of this world by how we teach and learn from these little people. Empathy, integrity and generosity. That about sums it up. We need to put these three ways of life in the forefront. I am afraid we are loosing ground. These should be bedtime lessons on a daily basis for our children. These should be dinner time topics across the table (which we all should be sitting at with our kids NO exceptions). These should be ideas adults talk about and demonstrate. Ah...another part of a fitness quest. Making our hearts fit. Making our lives matter. Things seems a bit less complicated when you have your priorities in place. Interesting how a death can energize those of us still alive. Did I mention energy cannot be destroyed? It just changes form.
I am sorry? Did you think you were going to read this post to see how my weight loss is coming along? Have you ever been in the midst of the death of a family member? In southern Virginia? When we can't find the words, what's the next best thing? Yes. Sugar, butter, pork and beer (or wine). Food plays a big part in grief and death. When I do my job, I often have to remind people to care for themselves and don't forget to eat. I have never had the problem of forgetting to eat. I ate plenty. I think I gained two pounds. I don't give a hoot. Sharing a plate of snicker doodles with those you love does a fine thing for the heart.
However, I am back home. I go back to work Monday. Tug is already back today. As we teach lessons of high moral character, we also must remember to take care of the temple that carries our soul for now. I want to be able to turn cartwheels, play soccer with my kids, and hear them laugh as we fall on the grass this Spring! It's right around the corner! Baseball, camping, green grass. Ah! Get me out of this house and the company of those I love while I bask in the sun! There is a place for creating healthy bodies in "what really matters" so that we can teach and learn longer, and have some fun while doing it.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A New Addiction
Am I addicted to food? I have thought so more than once. I love food. Not all food is created equal and I do not love all food BUT I do love good food. The best job in the world would seem to be a restaurant critic. How cool but to eat, get paid and just go to new places! The TV shows I watch the most...Food Network shows! A great place for me to relax and veg out is strolling the isles of the grocery store (without kids and without a time limit) checking out all the new products just wondering what they taste like. Okay. So it appears I may be addicted to food.
Lookout food! I have a new addition! It's an addiction that feeds into my control freakiness. It's called "My Fitness Pal." This is an application to my phone. It was free, which was a big "selling point." I downloaded it a few months ago but did not get past a half day of food tracking before I got bored. Last week a co-worker told me she was using it and I decided to give it another shot. I played around with the various things it could do and I quickly found this was a very easy way to track what I eat, how much I exercise, when I reach my calorie limit for my weight loss goal, and it even tells me how I measure up to eating the right amount of vitamins, carbs, fat, cholesterol and sugars as recommended for my size and gender. It has changed me.
My Fitness Pal allows my complete control of how what I eat will impact my weight. And health. It's nice to know that I have gone over on my protein but need a little more calcium and I only have 58 calories until I reach my daily limit and I have plenty of sodium to work with and I only had a quarter of my fat for the day. I can even add my exercise for the day and it recalculates my calorie limit to provide for the physical activity. I could go on and on. And when I am done for the day, I "complete" the day on the program and it tells me what I would weigh if I ate like that for the next 5 weeks. So cool. I am excited to weigh myself come Monday morning and enter my new weight into the program. Then I can see a decline on a graph the program has. Now here's the best part...after I reach my goal weight, I can fix my profile to "maintain" weight and follow the program that way! I am very excited about this because maintaining weight has been my problem. And now I have a plan for post diet fitness.
My Fitness Pal had added a lot of ease to this process. Another helpful tool I am considering is a weight loss challenge at work. There are about 20 female coworkers of mine who plan to play this challenge. We all put in $25 and weigh in every week to another co-worker NOT partaking in the challenge who is sworn to weight secrecy. The three people who lose the most percent of weight split the pot of money accordingly. This is an eight week challenge. I am already very invested into fitness and weight loss, I don't think I need the motivation like some others. I have also already lost 11 pounds (yes eleven! Read it again, 11) and I do fear a big plateau coming up. So I am not 100% committed. On the other hand, I am committed. I know I will be losing more weight. I already got my metabolism working well. The first weigh in (and money due date) is next Wednesday. I need to decide by then.
One other thought on the issue of sustainability. Even though I have this new plan with the My Fitness Pal to maintain weight, I still need to remind myself that's it's okay to let go now and then and not be slave to the calorie counter. Yesterday I was invited to lunch with some friends. I have not been out to lunch for WEEKS. Probably since the first week in January when I went to Red Robin for that birthday lunch I mentioned a few posts ago. Yesterdays invitation was to a Thai restaurant. Oh yum. I have not had Thai food in forever and I love it. I accepted thinking I could just have some low calorie salad for dinner and forgo the after dinner snack. I slightly indulged on a Thai soup, a spring roll (which I was disappointed to see it came fried, not steamed), some steamed rice and half an order of KAPOW! You should know that KAPOW is pretty spicy. I should have taken a clue in the name or in the three chilies on the menu that followed the name. But it was the only option not stir fried and without coconut oil. It was a spurge that left me with a whopping 120 calories left for the day (even considering I worked out in the morning).
By the time I got home, I was pretty hungry. I considered the salad with some chicken. But not for long. I really wanted something warm and tasty. And as I was digging through the pantry for some light soup and the freezer for a small diet frozen meal, I felt crummy. It really felt like I was on a strict diet and I could not have what I wanted. So I said "fudge it." Sorta. And I went for my lunch left overs. And it was good. I was satisfied. Well nearly. I also had two of those WhoNu chocolate chip cookies and a valentine chocolate. And at that point, it did not feel like a diet. (Duh. Chocolate does that.)
Eating well all week and having a couple hours of controlled off track eating is sustainable. Much more sustainable than depriving myself. And even though My Fitness Pal has me in the red for my caloric intake for the day, I also lost 2.8 pounds this week. So put that in your pipe My Fitness Pal!
Onto another week! And a good one! Tug and I have a special three day trip planned. I am anxious to see if I can find a way of enjoying food and drink with my man while indulging in the beauty of Estes Park and the fun of SNOW SHOEING (and not gain weight).
Lookout food! I have a new addition! It's an addiction that feeds into my control freakiness. It's called "My Fitness Pal." This is an application to my phone. It was free, which was a big "selling point." I downloaded it a few months ago but did not get past a half day of food tracking before I got bored. Last week a co-worker told me she was using it and I decided to give it another shot. I played around with the various things it could do and I quickly found this was a very easy way to track what I eat, how much I exercise, when I reach my calorie limit for my weight loss goal, and it even tells me how I measure up to eating the right amount of vitamins, carbs, fat, cholesterol and sugars as recommended for my size and gender. It has changed me.
My Fitness Pal allows my complete control of how what I eat will impact my weight. And health. It's nice to know that I have gone over on my protein but need a little more calcium and I only have 58 calories until I reach my daily limit and I have plenty of sodium to work with and I only had a quarter of my fat for the day. I can even add my exercise for the day and it recalculates my calorie limit to provide for the physical activity. I could go on and on. And when I am done for the day, I "complete" the day on the program and it tells me what I would weigh if I ate like that for the next 5 weeks. So cool. I am excited to weigh myself come Monday morning and enter my new weight into the program. Then I can see a decline on a graph the program has. Now here's the best part...after I reach my goal weight, I can fix my profile to "maintain" weight and follow the program that way! I am very excited about this because maintaining weight has been my problem. And now I have a plan for post diet fitness.
My Fitness Pal had added a lot of ease to this process. Another helpful tool I am considering is a weight loss challenge at work. There are about 20 female coworkers of mine who plan to play this challenge. We all put in $25 and weigh in every week to another co-worker NOT partaking in the challenge who is sworn to weight secrecy. The three people who lose the most percent of weight split the pot of money accordingly. This is an eight week challenge. I am already very invested into fitness and weight loss, I don't think I need the motivation like some others. I have also already lost 11 pounds (yes eleven! Read it again, 11) and I do fear a big plateau coming up. So I am not 100% committed. On the other hand, I am committed. I know I will be losing more weight. I already got my metabolism working well. The first weigh in (and money due date) is next Wednesday. I need to decide by then.
One other thought on the issue of sustainability. Even though I have this new plan with the My Fitness Pal to maintain weight, I still need to remind myself that's it's okay to let go now and then and not be slave to the calorie counter. Yesterday I was invited to lunch with some friends. I have not been out to lunch for WEEKS. Probably since the first week in January when I went to Red Robin for that birthday lunch I mentioned a few posts ago. Yesterdays invitation was to a Thai restaurant. Oh yum. I have not had Thai food in forever and I love it. I accepted thinking I could just have some low calorie salad for dinner and forgo the after dinner snack. I slightly indulged on a Thai soup, a spring roll (which I was disappointed to see it came fried, not steamed), some steamed rice and half an order of KAPOW! You should know that KAPOW is pretty spicy. I should have taken a clue in the name or in the three chilies on the menu that followed the name. But it was the only option not stir fried and without coconut oil. It was a spurge that left me with a whopping 120 calories left for the day (even considering I worked out in the morning).
By the time I got home, I was pretty hungry. I considered the salad with some chicken. But not for long. I really wanted something warm and tasty. And as I was digging through the pantry for some light soup and the freezer for a small diet frozen meal, I felt crummy. It really felt like I was on a strict diet and I could not have what I wanted. So I said "fudge it." Sorta. And I went for my lunch left overs. And it was good. I was satisfied. Well nearly. I also had two of those WhoNu chocolate chip cookies and a valentine chocolate. And at that point, it did not feel like a diet. (Duh. Chocolate does that.)
Eating well all week and having a couple hours of controlled off track eating is sustainable. Much more sustainable than depriving myself. And even though My Fitness Pal has me in the red for my caloric intake for the day, I also lost 2.8 pounds this week. So put that in your pipe My Fitness Pal!
Onto another week! And a good one! Tug and I have a special three day trip planned. I am anxious to see if I can find a way of enjoying food and drink with my man while indulging in the beauty of Estes Park and the fun of SNOW SHOEING (and not gain weight).
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Self-check. A Bit Behind Schedule... (by Tug)
Forgive me Blogger.com... it has been about a week and a half since my last post.
February is here and Andi and I are one month in to our fitness journey for the year. An honest assessment finds me a bit behind of where I want to be. In terms of eating healthier and exercising more, I'm definitely on the right track and I'd categorize that challenge as a success thus far. However, looking at the goals i set for myself, I'm lagging in just about every other department.
I have yet to find a bike "race" to enter. I looked into Elephant Rock, but I'm a bit put off by the steep fees. What's more imposing to me though is the amount climbing in the route. I can easily ride the 50-60 miles, but there's a lot of hills in the route. I hate climbing. There're moderate and short climbs on my normal ride route to downtown Denver, and I've hit the big climbs at Chatfield Dam a few times. I can do those. But sustained uphill climbs of over a mile at 6% plus, and I get nervous. It's not that I don't think I can do it. It's just that I'm afraid of the challenge and the pain it brings my legs. I have to find a way to conquer this fear, because just about every charity ride event in Colorado has some sort of climbing on the longer (40+ miles) routes. As soon as the weather gets a little warmer and we get some snow melt, I am planning on hitting the C-470 trail that goes from Littleton to Golden. For those of you not familiar with it, it is basically all uphill for about 8 miles or so. I great reward for making that ride would be a lunch date with Andi. If she can stand the look of me in my spandex shorts.
I also haven't found a running race to enter. I haven't even looked. This may be a goal that i set that i don't meet. I absolutely loathe running. The cardio doesn't bother me, but the pain in my knees can get pretty bad after about 1.5 miles. I can deal with muscle fatigue, but sharp pains in the knees are not fun. Tendinitis is not fun. My cycling can cause mild flare-ups, but running really brings it out. This is something that I'm just gonna have to get out and do. I have a feeling that once i start the training, it will get easier. That's usually how it works, right?
I also haven't found a Tough Mudder or Muddy Buddy to enter yet. I've gotten some offers from some friends to run it with me, but haven't found any yet. It's only February, not really the season yet, and so I'm not overly worried about this one.
I have a goal to climb a couple of 14er's too. That shouldn't be too difficult to do either. One of Andi's friends has a cabin near Fairplay that is pretty close to half a dozen 14k ft peaks. We stayed there a couple summers ago and I was able to bag two in one afternoon. I envision a similar trip this summer with two other peaks on the radar.
Since my fitness quest for this year also includes bettering my family life and having more quality time with Andi and the kids, I've started planning on a week long camping trip, likely in July, to visit a couple of the National Parks that are within 8hrs of home. There must be about a dozen of those that would meet that criteria between Colorado, NM, Utah, Wyoming, and South Dakota. On the radar this summer are Arches and Canyonlands in Utah, and Mesa Verde in SW Colorado. This may turn in to a SWestern Colorado trip that focuses on the areas around Durango. This is an area of the state I've never visited but have heard fantastic things about.
For Andi, she's kicking butt. I couldn't be prouder of her. How she continues to get up at 4am, workout, do a full day of work, get home with the kids and still find time for mom and wife stuff is beyond me. Women, and particularly working moms, are simply amazing beings. She's lost 9 pounds so far and you can tell. Hopefully she'll get to where she would feel comfortable in a bikini for the next time we go on a cruise (which we're aiming for fall of 2013... which would be celebrate my 40th birthday and our 15th wedding anniversary). I haven't seen her in a bikini in about 10 years. I've always seen her as beautiful. I'm hoping she can get to where she sees herself as beautiful. I suspect this is a challenge for women in general.
For this week, i am going to continue to do what I've done over the last 4. Early rise for exercise. Bike rides at night and/or days off, when time allows. Cutting out fast food and eating more fruits and veggies. In two weeks, we'll be heading to Estes Park for a little snowshoeing vacation. I'm really looking forward to getting out in the mountains and having an active vacation.
Thanks for reading. I hope that time finds you all doing well...
February is here and Andi and I are one month in to our fitness journey for the year. An honest assessment finds me a bit behind of where I want to be. In terms of eating healthier and exercising more, I'm definitely on the right track and I'd categorize that challenge as a success thus far. However, looking at the goals i set for myself, I'm lagging in just about every other department.
I have yet to find a bike "race" to enter. I looked into Elephant Rock, but I'm a bit put off by the steep fees. What's more imposing to me though is the amount climbing in the route. I can easily ride the 50-60 miles, but there's a lot of hills in the route. I hate climbing. There're moderate and short climbs on my normal ride route to downtown Denver, and I've hit the big climbs at Chatfield Dam a few times. I can do those. But sustained uphill climbs of over a mile at 6% plus, and I get nervous. It's not that I don't think I can do it. It's just that I'm afraid of the challenge and the pain it brings my legs. I have to find a way to conquer this fear, because just about every charity ride event in Colorado has some sort of climbing on the longer (40+ miles) routes. As soon as the weather gets a little warmer and we get some snow melt, I am planning on hitting the C-470 trail that goes from Littleton to Golden. For those of you not familiar with it, it is basically all uphill for about 8 miles or so. I great reward for making that ride would be a lunch date with Andi. If she can stand the look of me in my spandex shorts.
I also haven't found a running race to enter. I haven't even looked. This may be a goal that i set that i don't meet. I absolutely loathe running. The cardio doesn't bother me, but the pain in my knees can get pretty bad after about 1.5 miles. I can deal with muscle fatigue, but sharp pains in the knees are not fun. Tendinitis is not fun. My cycling can cause mild flare-ups, but running really brings it out. This is something that I'm just gonna have to get out and do. I have a feeling that once i start the training, it will get easier. That's usually how it works, right?
I also haven't found a Tough Mudder or Muddy Buddy to enter yet. I've gotten some offers from some friends to run it with me, but haven't found any yet. It's only February, not really the season yet, and so I'm not overly worried about this one.
I have a goal to climb a couple of 14er's too. That shouldn't be too difficult to do either. One of Andi's friends has a cabin near Fairplay that is pretty close to half a dozen 14k ft peaks. We stayed there a couple summers ago and I was able to bag two in one afternoon. I envision a similar trip this summer with two other peaks on the radar.
Since my fitness quest for this year also includes bettering my family life and having more quality time with Andi and the kids, I've started planning on a week long camping trip, likely in July, to visit a couple of the National Parks that are within 8hrs of home. There must be about a dozen of those that would meet that criteria between Colorado, NM, Utah, Wyoming, and South Dakota. On the radar this summer are Arches and Canyonlands in Utah, and Mesa Verde in SW Colorado. This may turn in to a SWestern Colorado trip that focuses on the areas around Durango. This is an area of the state I've never visited but have heard fantastic things about.
For Andi, she's kicking butt. I couldn't be prouder of her. How she continues to get up at 4am, workout, do a full day of work, get home with the kids and still find time for mom and wife stuff is beyond me. Women, and particularly working moms, are simply amazing beings. She's lost 9 pounds so far and you can tell. Hopefully she'll get to where she would feel comfortable in a bikini for the next time we go on a cruise (which we're aiming for fall of 2013... which would be celebrate my 40th birthday and our 15th wedding anniversary). I haven't seen her in a bikini in about 10 years. I've always seen her as beautiful. I'm hoping she can get to where she sees herself as beautiful. I suspect this is a challenge for women in general.
For this week, i am going to continue to do what I've done over the last 4. Early rise for exercise. Bike rides at night and/or days off, when time allows. Cutting out fast food and eating more fruits and veggies. In two weeks, we'll be heading to Estes Park for a little snowshoeing vacation. I'm really looking forward to getting out in the mountains and having an active vacation.
Thanks for reading. I hope that time finds you all doing well...
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